Car Trouble/Transcript
Green's house, front yard (Episode title appears on the Kludge's license plate.) Bill: Okay, family. Last night, I had a dream, and in that dream, I had a vision. Cricket, Tilly, Gramma: Uh-huh? Bill: People always come to us for vegetables, but why don't we go to them? I give you...Green Family Farm Vegetable Delivery! (He places a sticker for such on the Kludge door; they give him approved comments.) Gramma: Good idea, boy! Bill: And I've already got a bunch of orders, so, let's hit the road! (But after one small pat, the door's mirror falls off.) Cricket: Dad, I think the mirror fell off. Bill: (chuckles, readjusts it) It's fine! (Now the front bumper falls; he reaches for it.) Tilly: A-are you sure the truck can handle all these deliveries? Bill: W-w-what are you talkin' about?! This ol' girl has withered many astorm! Plus...the Kludge is the only vehicle we have, so it's gonna have to work. (He struggles to press the pedals; a bit of backfiring, and the Kludge begins to move lumply.) Bill: And we're off! Street (The Kludge is now on the road; the drivers complain because of its backfiring.) One of the drivers: Your car stinks! And you stink! Get off the road! Cricket: Dad, these other cars seem kinda angry at us. Bill: (head full of sweat) Quiet, Cricket. Daddy's concentrating. Tilly: (sitting on several seat springs) How long is this is gonna take? Because I think my spine is resitting. Gramma: (trying to buckle her seatbelt) And I can't get these dang seatbelts to click! Bill (OS): Oop! Pothole! (A bump briefly sends Gramma off her feet.) Gramma: Agh!! Oof. Cricket: Dad, this truck is literally falling apart! (falls through the floor) Whoa!! WHOAAAAAAAA!!! Bill: (pulls him up) Gosh, don't stand so hard, Cricket! Oh! Hey, look! We're here! (Shows their destination as...) Bill (OS): Big Tech Headquarters! Rest of Greens: Wow... Cricket: Wow, Remy told me about this place! They make all kinds of cool stuff! Big Tech, parking lot Bill: Aaaaaaand...made it! (The Kludge finally stops; they get out panting.) Bill: Hello! Green Family Farms! Fresh vegetable delivery! Did anyone order vegetables? (Here comes a bespectacled purple woman riding on a jetpack.) Woman: Yes, me! Bill: Huh? Woman: Hello. I'm Gwendolyn Zapp, the incredibly wealthy, incredibly smart CEO of Big Tech! (takes off jetpack) Go home, boy! Jetpack: Bark, bark. (flies away) Woman (Gwendolyn): I could end all the world's problems, but instead, I choose to invent things like...robo-pants! (A male worker comes in with what she mentioned.) Male Worker: Miss Zapp, we need to do a major recall on the robo-pants! (the pants repeatedly kick him) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Gwendolyn: So where are those local organic vegetables I ordered? Bill: Oh, right! Ha-ha...lemmie just get 'em outta my truck. (He shows the nearly broke Kludge.) Gwendolyn: A-ga-ga-what?! A Kludge! I had one of these when I was a teen! Bill: Yeah, she's a classic. But she's definitely lost some of her charm. Gwendolyn: She's perfect. Just perfect! Have you Greens, by chance, heard of the Vrum? (She activates a remote which brings out a futuristic car.) Gwendolyn: It's my latest invention! Vrum: (female computerized voice; waves with wheel) Hello, Green Family. Bill: Wow! That's a good-lookin' vehicle. Cricket: It's more than just pretty! I've heard of this! It's got everything! Like a cray-cray button that makes the car go so fast, I heard it blew a guy's lips off! Gwendolyn: That's right! But we gave that man a pair of robo-lips, and now he can say any word in the dictionary! Except "lawsuit". Greens: Wow. Gwendolyn: (to herself) Oh, what's that, brain? Another genius idea. (to the Greens) Hey! How about if I give you a brand new Vrum? Cricket, Tilly: Wha?! Bill: Really?! Gwendolyn: In exchange for your old Kludge. Bill: Trade in the Kludge? She has been actin' up lately. What do you think, kids? Tilly: What?! Say yes! Say yes! Cricket: Dad, it's a robo-car! Gramma: If you're thinkin' about this for more than five seconds, you're an idiot. Bill: Well, okay! (hands her the keys) Take good care of her, will ya? Gwendolyn: (in the Kludge) You Greens are OUT OF THIS WORRRRRRLLLLLLLLD!!!! (drives away) Cricket: She's funny. (Vrum's power up sound is heard.) Vrum: I am your new Vrum. It is my job to serve you. (opens trunk) Here, let me take those off your hands. (Out come two claws which take the crates of vegetables out of Bill's hands and pull them inside.) Bill: Oh! Vrum: Vegetables loaded. Bill: Well, I've never seen a car do that before. (Now the claws grab himself, Tilly and Gramma and pull them inside.) Tilly, Bill, Gramma: Whoa! Vrum: Three passengers loaded. (closes roof) Scanning for fourth passenger. (Cricket appears and jumps on the Vrum's shield.) Cricket: Ahh! The Vrum hit me! Blehhhhh! Pfffft! Just kiddin'. Scared you, huh? Vrum: Problem child detected. (The claw pulls Cricket inside as he laughs.) Inside Vrum (The Greens voice wows at the Vrum's interior; the flashing screen on the dashboard with a smiley face gets their attention.) Vrum: Hello, Green family. What would you like to call me? Bill: Gosh. I've never had to name a car before, so...I want it to be good... Cricket: (pushes Bill aside) Dr. Bubblebutt! Dr. Bubblebutt!! Vrum: My name is: Dr. Bubblebutt. (Name appears on screen) Bill: Uh...no. I'd like to change the name, please. Vrum (now "Dr. Bubblebutt"): I cannot fulfill your request. Name locked forever. (Bill frowns at Cricket.) Bill: This car sure is full of surprises. Dr. Bubblebutt: Laser scan initiating. Bill: What's that -- (a laser scans him) AHHHH!!! KIDS, HELP! IT'S TRYING TO KILL ME!!! (The front mirrors adjust themselves.) Dr. Bubblebutt: Scan complete. Mirrors adjusted. Also, I noticed an impacted molar. Bill: (holding mouth) Oh, now that you mention it, I -- (a claw fiddles in his mouth and removes the tooth) Hey, now that's pretty neat! Dr. Bubblebutt: You're welcome. Cricket: This car's incredible! Bill: (chuckles) You're right! Now, who's ready to deliver some veggies? (The Greens cheer. Bill puts Dr. Bubblebutt in gear and presses the gas, sending it on its way.) Highway (They approach someone.) Orange dude: Whoa! Hey! Bill: Is that guy talkin' to us? No, an awesome dude like that wouldn't be kind to get my attention. Cricket: Yes he is! Open the window! (Roof opens.) Bill: Uh, can I help you? Orange dude: Cool car. You must be a cool guy. Bill: (chuckles) Yeah, I guess I am. Orange dude: Cool. Bill: See ya, friend. (He takes off, sending the guy's car spinning.) Orange dude: Whoawhoawhoawhoa!! Super cool! Inside Dr. Bubblebutt Cricket: Hey, Dr. Bubblebutt, (repeatedly bangs on Dr. Bubblebutt's screen) you got any games in there? Dr. Bubblebutt: Fussy baby. Detected in front seat. Cricket: "Fussy baby"? Dr. Bubblebutt: (brings out a bottle) Attempting to pacify. Cricket: How dare you! I'm not a baby -- (sees a cookie come out) Huh? Oooooh! Uh, yeah...I'm a fussy baby! (takes them) Ga-ga, goo-goo! (drinks the bottle) (In the backseat...) Tilly, Gramma: Wow... Tilly: (flipping through a screen of chair options) Sure are a lot more seat settings than the Kludge. Gramma: The Kludge only had one setting: awful! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to go hard on the massage setting. (She taps an icon which makes her chair vibrate and wave.) Gramma: Oh, yeah...oh, baby! Tilly! Look at how relaxed I am! Tilly: (chuckles) Yes... (chuckles) Well, this list is certainly a buffet of delights. (Shows she is on page 2 of 1357.) Tilly: And I will gorge on them all. (chuckles) Let's try...this one. (She presses one icon; the back of her seat folds back like a bed.) Tilly: Oh! Very nice. (her chair vibrates) Orrrrr this one! (upside down) Or this one. (chair coated in spikes) NOT THIS ONE! (spinning around) Or...this ooooonnnnneeee!!! (in the bottom of a bird body) Oh, cute!...But unnecessary. Bill: Hey, how about some music -- (slams hand on Dr. Bubblebutt's screen) OW! Dr. Bubblebutt: (shows frowning face) Is something wrong? Bill: Just lookin' for the radio knob. Where are all the knobs? Dr. Bubblebutt: Oh! I use air knobs. Just pretend to turn it on here. (points an arrow to the left) Bill: Huh. Weird. But, okay... (moves hand around) Here? I-I don't know what I'm doin'! Dr. Bubblebutt: No, not that one. (The trunk springs one of their crates out of the trunk and onto someone else's windshield.) Female driver: AUGH!! Bill: Oh, geeze! The Kludge woulda never done that. Dr. Bubblebutt, you're a little more complicated than my old truck. Dr. Bubblebutt: You're doing great. (shows thumbs up) Cricket: (holding two cookies) You know what else would be great? Some more milk with these cookies. (repeatedly bangs on screen) How do you do it? Is it here, or...? Dr. Bubblebutt: (screen turns red) Unsafe levels of button pressing detected. Baby on lockdown. Cricket: Huh? (chair folds back) WHOA! (a blanket wraps around him) Frazzum frazzum thing!! (Gramma's chair is still massaging, while Tilly's is now moving back and forth.) Gramma: Oooooooh... Tilly: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! (the chair stops) Finally! I've done it! (sees she went through the whole list) I've gone through all the seat options! I can rest now. (leans back and closes her eyes) (The screen lights up with a sound.) Tilly: (opens her eyes, sees the screen) Huh? Dr. Bubblebutt: Seat options, volume 2, loading. Tilly: Oh, no. MORE choices!?! The Kludge would never overwhelm me like this!! (thuds head on screen; hears beep) Hmm? Dr. Bubblebutt: Waffle mode activated. Tilly: Oh...no, no, no! No -- (the chair folds in all the way, squishing her) Gramma...help...!! (Gramma's chair is still massaging.) Gramma: (mumbling indistinctly) Silvergate Bridge (On the bridge, there is a huge traffic jam.) Bill: Ugh, just look at this traffic! It's backed up all across the bridge! I hope we're not late for our delivery. Cricket: Hit the cray-cray button! Hit the cray-cray button! (excitedly reaches for it and squeals) Dr. Bubblebutt: (grabs Cricket's wrist with a claw) Bad baby. Baby now under car arrest. (Claws stick a pacifier in Cricket's mouth and put a baby bonnet on his head; he angrily sucks the pacifier as he is held in place while a mobile is lowered and a lullaby plays.) Bill: Hey, Dr. Bubblebutt, I don't suppose there's anything you can do about this traffic. At this rate, we're gonna be late for our delivery. Dr. Bubblebutt: I am here to serve. Initiating magnetic wheels. (The wheels gain magnetic covers and turn sideways.) Bill: Huh? (Dr. Bubblebutt moves sideways) Whoa! Cricket: Agh!! (Dr. Bubblebutt is on the bottom of the bridge.) Dr. Bubblebutt: Hang on. (Dr. Bubblebutt zooms down the bridge bottom as the Greens scream.) Dr. Bubblebutt: Sensing baby in distress. Initiating lullaby. ♫ Rock-a-bye baby ♫ ♫ On the tree top ♫ ♫ When the wind blows ♫ ♫ The cradle will drop ♫ (Dr. Bubblebutt reaches the other side and returns to the road; Gramma thuds in her chair, no longer vibrating.) Gramma: (gasps) TILLY! (Now Tilly's chair is steaming.) Tilly: I am but moments away from golden-crispy exterior. Gramma: Hold on, sweetie! I'm comin' now! Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 2 Transcripts